|Yes, Garfield. It is. You're my homeboy.|
I don't like it when it's hot. I don't really like it when it's cold either. So, I guess I'm a moderate kind of person. I'd like to live in a place where it's sunny and 72 with a breeze at all times. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!
On the plus side, this conversation just happened through text messages, and I choose to preserve it here for posterity.
Me: What is the summer version of a Grinch? That's what I am.
Friend: Humm... Do you steal the fireworks from the fourth of July?
Me: Yes. And I have a pet that helps me. A badger. Instead of pulling a sleigh, it pulls me around on a modified jet ski.
Friend: Oh, I have heard of the jet ski badger! He bit someone last August.
Me: He was cranky. Because of the heat.
Friend: That is not excuse for biting people. That is just bad manners.
Me: Well, he is a badger, what do you expect?
Friend: A little common politeness. Is that too much to ask from a badger?
Me: Um... badgers gonna do what badgers gonna do.
This is the shit that makes life worth living, yo.
(Clearly I have heatstroke and have gone insane. Send help. And slurpees.)