Thursday, May 22, 2014

Open Letter to a Fat Shamer

Dear Fat Shamer,

This is to you and all the other standup gents that think it's somehow their job to get on dating websites and send messages such as the following:
why didn't you tell me AFF is adult fat finder?  Cannot believe the women and their photos... what world do you live in?
I live in a world where grown men who feel rejected deal with it by lashing out and trying to hurt people they don't even know to make themselves feel better.  Since the first message you send me said Hi and had a more friendly tone, I can only assume that you were angry that 8 hours later, I hadn't responded?  So you decided that you weren't interested anyway, because I'm too fat for you?  And were unable to consider the idea that maybe I hadn't checked my messages for the last 8 hours?  I don't really know what series of thoughts took place in your head to make you decide to send this second message, but let me tell you about the world I live in.

I live in a world where men like yourself think it's okay to send hateful, negative messages asking me how I could possibly dare to want to date or experience physical intimacy given my weight.  Couldn't I just as easily ask you how you could dare to message me when you are balding?  Because, in what world would any woman find that attractive?!  But I wouldn't do that.  For a lot of reasons, including the fact that I have been with balding men who were dead sexy.  Also, because I don't judge people or shame them for the fact that they don't have much hair.  And mostly because I'm not a rude, vindictive jerk.

I live in a world where not everything is perfect.  Not that it's any of your business, but I do struggle with my weight, and there are a lot of medical and psychological reasons for that.  Besides, that doesn't matter.  If you don't like girls who are curvy, soft, big, FAT, then just move on to someone else.  There's no need to be hostile.

I live in a world where people like you see me as a LESS THAN because my body weight is a little more than you think it should be.  Where I am looked down on because you find me unattractive.  Where to you, my weight means that I should be alone, that I don't deserve to have men like me, that I don't deserve to feel sexy, that I don't deserve intimacy or pleasure.  That I don't even deserve to be treated with common courtesy.  

How exactly do you expect me to respond to this?

I'm sorry that you have decided the best way to spend your time is sending negative, angry, rude messages to strangers.  If you were trying to hurt my feelings, it didn't work.  Do you know why?  Because I already KNOW I am fat.  Did you think that it would be some big surprise to me that 1.  I am fat or 2. Some men are not attracted to me?  Are you crazy?  Why do you think I have a full body shot on my profile?  Transparency.  The idea of it is that people like you, who only prefer one type of woman, will not contact me.

Here's a newsflash for you.  There are plenty of men who find me attractive just the way I am.  Do I want to lose weight?  Of course I do.  How could I not, given the culture that I live in and the fact that I'm surrounded by the media and people like you every day telling me how disgusting and worthless I am?  Of course I want to be healthier.  Of course I want to fit in.  Of course I want to be desired.  But I'm only human, and plans don't always work out.  Besides, if there is one thing I have learned in the past 5 months it is that I can meet men who value my mind along with my body, and who also love the way my curves look and feel.

You're obviously having trouble getting a date, but I'm not.  I live in a world where I don't need to worry about men like you, because all you are is a bully, and I left that shit behind in grade school.

You're a 40 year old man, why don't you start acting like one.

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